Death to Broccoli
by TheCrazyClarinetist
Summary: A Clarinetist turns to cloning to achieve world domination and destroy all broccoli. Only one thing stands in her way...


            A Clarinetist turns to cloning to achieve world domination and destroy all broccoli.  Only one thing stands in her way...

Death to Broccoli

Once there was an evil person that didn't like to eat broccoli.  She was very prone to "spaz attacks" and vowed to one day take over the world... and burn all broccoli while she was at it.  She often mused to herself about what she would do, but no answers ever came up.  She could play the much feared "death squawk" on her Clarinet, true... but would it work?  It was highly doubtful.  One death squawk would not destroy the world.  There had to be another way.

            The days went by, and still there was no answer to her musings.  Broccoli was still stuffed into her mouth, and her plans for world domination seemed as impossible as ever.  One of the many voices in her head told her to forget such stupid thoughts, but another one told her to never give up.  The stubborn voice won and she vowed to destroy all broccoli.  World domination would be reached... eventually.

            The girl was in her science class one day and the idea suddenly came to her: cloning!  That science teacher should have never mentioned the subject.  She looked around at the self-proclaimed "sane" people and laughed evilly.  They all stared and she went silent.  They would pay and the broccoli would burn.

            How to clone, though?  Would there be a way?  She turned her Clarinet over in her hands as she sat up in her room and let the thoughts run through her mind.  There had to be a way.  Then, the idea hit her like her band director's baton getting thrown at her head.  The epiphany that brought her to her feet: clone the Clarinet!  An evil smile crept across her face.

            By some work of magic, the Clarinet was cloned.  The girl led the now evil instruments through the streets of her city.  When people tried to stop her, the black swarm behind her would perform the death squawk.  It was enough to stun all those that came near her... except for the band director.

            It seemed that he had appeared out of nowhere, and now he stood before her.  She yelled at the evil instruments to stun him, their keys shining in the afternoon sunlight.  A horrendous cacophony filled the air as thousands of death squawks pierced the silence, but the director didn't flinch even though all of those around him fell to the ground.  

            She had found the missing link.  She was standing before the one that would end her plans of world domination and keep the broccoli race alive.  Her most powerful attack hadn't worked on the band director... how was that possible?

            "How can you survive such monstrosity?"

            He shrugged and simply answered, "I've heard it for years.  I'm used to it."

            Amazed, the girl paused long enough to ask, "Are there any others with your gift?"

            "Yeah... my wife..."

            "What?"  She looked behind him to see his wife... rather, she saw over a hundred people that looked just like her.  "Where did they--?"

            "This," he said as one of the women came forward, "is my *real* wife.  This is Janeene."  He pointed to exact replicas of her and said, "This is Janeene Two, this is Janeene Three, this is Janeene Four..."

            "NO!  World domination must be achieved!  Broccoli must become extinct--"

            "I like broccoli," came the voices of Janeenes One through Two Hundred.

            "NO!!!"

            In one swift motion, the band directors raised their batons and the Clarinet clones fell to the ground.  The girl screamed insanely, and a few of the much dreaded and self-proclaimed "sane" people rushed forward to contain her.  The death squawk had failed.  World domination would never be reached.

            A girl sat in a white room on a bed.  The walls surrounding her were padded and she was in a Happy Jacket that the men in clean white coats called straight jackets.  Her eyes were wild and a doctor stood over her with a clipboard in his hand.  Every once in a while, he would jot something down.  For the fifth day in a row, she was rocking back and forth and chanting, "Death to broccoli... death to broccoli... death to broccoli..."

            AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:

            Cloning is evil.  All it causes is problems...  and the world could do without Clarinets performing the death squawk.  Believe me, I would know.

This was an assignment for my science class.  The teacher wanted us to write a story that would reflect our opinion on whether cloning is right or wrong.  I think that it's wrong, and we all know that I like humor.  Well, please read and review!  ^.^


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